Convict - a sentenced criminal
politic - judicious, expedient; prudent, sagacious

Montag, 14. Februar 2011

Still in struggle...

The last few months haven`t been good for me, or to me. My heart still beats and days that I dread, repeat themselves. I haven`t been well.
Your strength goes unquestioned...at times we may waver, but NOT one thing can be allowed to destroy our footing in life. On the surface, by all appearances, we can look to have everything together. We may downplay events in our lives as if they`re less intense than the reflection. But deep down, if we aren`t watchful it can ambush us...I say all this to say ...I`ve been going through some depression issues..no excuse for neglegting the letters, but it felt like a chore just getting up to eat...I had no appetite, ...no appetite for food, conversation, life...it seemed to just fall down on me from nowhere...we`ve been on lockdown for the past month.
I`m coming around...I know I shouldn`t be embarrased about it but I a. It seems no matter how hard I try to do things to help myself, to help others here, it`s never lasting...do you know that feeling? To be helpless...It`s like I can picture how good an idea is, see somebody else do it and it works for them...but me..
I end up with a broken leg...My karma is all messed up and there`s nothing that helps my luck..you know?
My mindstate is shock up right now, my confidence is ...non-existent...I haven`t been doing any writing or drawing...
How can I begin to doubt, you don`t care? I`d be crazy to believe otherwise, I know you care...
I was down and out for a minute...but we are still in this struggle together...

With warmth,
Chris