Convict - a sentenced criminal
politic - judicious, expedient; prudent, sagacious

Montag, 14. November 2011

Sharing Chris`s reaction on my dedication...

Sharing with you some lines from Christophers latest letter, his reaction and questions on my dedication to do this work...

"For me, I swim, but the hardships are wide and deep. It`s tough, but I keep turning the pages one at a time. I can only hope the end of this saga will come quick...This is a heavy book I`m carrying...old AND heavy

...You know I sit and think, what keeps you so dedicated to souls who`ve neglected themselves and wound up in a desperate situation? And you, neglect yourself to help those of us who in the MAJORITY; are helpless...beyond help, hopeless because their situation is set in concrete...Only time can ease our burdens.

So why do you neglect yourself? Of course, you wouldn`t say "neglect"...but do you think happiness in your personal life is worth the energy you spend in the aid of others? "Others" who are a tad bit better mentally, because of your sacrifice, but in NO way near to gaining the emotional happiness you give up? You would agree, you give more than you gain emotionally? Right?
How is this exchange effective emotionally?
Help me understand...if I remember correctly, your environment disapproved of all the time you spent sacrificing yourself, yet you let this encourage you to keep going on?...

Dienstag, 27. September 2011

I needed a smile..

...
Thanks for the postcard! Your warm regard is recieved with open arms. I needed a smile!
So how have you been? Its good knowing you are still standing - I know strength when I see it. Whats next for you? I`m sure you have been through some crazy trials this year...

Everything here is okay, nothing to worry about me... I`m surviving, which is one of the many things we have incommon...

I`ve been doing my best to stay busy..drawing and waiting for the football season to start. Been staying out of trouble, though...
I`ll have another hearing in November, to see if I can go back out to population..they`ve been letting a lot of people out so ( fingers crossed) hopefully I will be one in November...

I`ve gotten better in doing portraits, able to sell one here and there, to keep my hygiene and writing/art supplies out of the red..
It`s hard to get what they`re really worth in here, so I end up doing deals, believe it or not, the free world people aren`t the only ones who are saving pennies...

Montag, 14. Februar 2011

Still in struggle...

The last few months haven`t been good for me, or to me. My heart still beats and days that I dread, repeat themselves. I haven`t been well.
Your strength goes unquestioned...at times we may waver, but NOT one thing can be allowed to destroy our footing in life. On the surface, by all appearances, we can look to have everything together. We may downplay events in our lives as if they`re less intense than the reflection. But deep down, if we aren`t watchful it can ambush us...I say all this to say ...I`ve been going through some depression issues..no excuse for neglegting the letters, but it felt like a chore just getting up to eat...I had no appetite, ...no appetite for food, conversation, life...it seemed to just fall down on me from nowhere...we`ve been on lockdown for the past month.
I`m coming around...I know I shouldn`t be embarrased about it but I a. It seems no matter how hard I try to do things to help myself, to help others here, it`s never lasting...do you know that feeling? To be helpless...It`s like I can picture how good an idea is, see somebody else do it and it works for them...but me..
I end up with a broken leg...My karma is all messed up and there`s nothing that helps my luck..you know?
My mindstate is shock up right now, my confidence is ...non-existent...I haven`t been doing any writing or drawing...
How can I begin to doubt, you don`t care? I`d be crazy to believe otherwise, I know you care...
I was down and out for a minute...but we are still in this struggle together...

With warmth,
Chris