...Ofcourse, the momentum a pendulum gains swinging to right, will, by the laws of gravity, swing nearly to the equivalent angle on the left. If the upside of anothers dream need not be yours to believe, can the same be said of despair?
The disease of doing all you can, and still succumbing to shortcomings just short of societal standards. Dis - ease is contagious. Despite being a child growing up we pick up this sickness from our families. Our friends. Going into pre-adulthood, we`ve lived with the symptoms of dis-ease, dis-satifaction, dis-function for so long we are numb to its touch. But its fingerprints are all over our efforts. Lying everywhere we`ve been in its innocent truth.
Where they say "The writings on the wall". But even then we`re in denial. Faced with what we faced in the past, and reminded how we responded to it...we blame coincidence, circumstance, but not our lack of confidence.
To have self-confidence, one must believe in himself...it helps even more so to have others believe in you. Infact, nothing can wear on you faster , than not being believed and not be loved.
Here, (in prison) you`ll find the majority of us ran from the unconditional love of our families and embraced the conditional terms of fair-weathered-friends. They didn`t restrict us with rules. Or confine us with commitment. We could wander where we wished and if our paths crossed, - cool. Our paths crossed, in some institutionalized form or another.
Now the irony is, if the bridge still stands between us and the hand we leit. We reach out to those we ran from. Our families. Our friends.
Alot of what we didn`t understand becomes clear and with clarity come fear.
Sometimes you cannot know enough or have reason to believe danger is involved. Like playing with matches. Or swimming without supervision. What could go wrong, right?
Well we know wrong will go wrong.
Sort of like, when I was younger, I believed I understood all I struggled through, I believed all decisions I made were justified some sort of way; (anger is a crippling emotion on our minds) this was my understanding. That I was making informed decisions; but what I knew, being measured against what was possible to know...came out to be less then 10% of what was possible to show you how powerful a little knowledge can be, though it is everything to your world - juxtapose the other 90%, it is nothing.
With realizations such as this I came to the point where I felt compelled to re-understand what I thought I understood...does that make sense?
To love yourself, would you agree you must understand you? I don`t believe love is dependent on any understanding. Love is independent; understanding it at times defies all explaination...But it`s like, if we believe it exists, our existence in turn is made lighter; it makes our decisions easier. Love gives us an agenda. Puts our passion in motion. Its quite healthy to be loved. Why? Well, ther are obvious reasons, but the reason I`ll reflect on is the one that allows you to be thought of any hour of the day; it allows your shared sruggles to be advocated in your absence; it allows you to trust; mainly however it gives consistency to your purpose...for while you may breathe to keep your blood oxygenated...its not a reluctant breath.